


Like We Used To Be

by nonducor



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, hyunggu is a lil dumb but please love him, hyunggu makes dumb decisions!, yuto loves hyunggu a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 23:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14779040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonducor/pseuds/nonducor
Summary: Hyunggu is a writer and Yuto is someone completely out of his league. So he does what is rational.or, Hyunggu makes bad decisions but Yuto saves the day





	Like We Used To Be

**Author's Note:**

> lotsa mixed feelings while writing this and I was listening to The Rose's Like We Used To Be while writing this, so I would say it's an inspiration of some sorts.

_ Yuto, it’s been such a long time since we’ve met. I hope this letter finds you well and that you’re doing well. I know we didn’t end on good terms but I would like you to know that the days that I spent with you were the best days in this grey life of mine. _ __  
__  
He crushes the letter in his hands, tossing the now scrap piece of paper aside as he groans inwardly, his hands running through his wild hair. Glancing at the torn picture of him and his ex-boyfriend, Adachi Yuto, Hyunggu sighs to himself. He had ruined it. He had ruined it all with his stupid anxiety and insecurity. Picking up the mug, he proceeds to take a sip only to find that it is empty, much to his dismay. Getting to his feet, he groans yet again. He has been sitting down for far too long. This isn’t good for both his legs and his back. He shuffles to the kitchen to get himself some coffee but there’s none. Not even a sachet that he can use. That means he has to go out. Which also means he has to clean himself up, change into some new clothes that isn’t dirty or stained all over.   
  
“Well, this sucks,” he mumbles to himself as he makes his way over to his wardrobe. See, Hyunggu doesn’t like to go out and neither does he have to, since he’s a writer. All he has to do is stay at home and do his writing. Everything goes wrong the moment he steps out of his door. Anything, something can always happen. The other day, for instance, he had gone out earlier this week to buy a new pen, since his had run out of ink. The moment he was out the door, the neighbour splashed some liquid onto him (which he still hasn’t found out what it is), and it wasn’t a big deal. He went back and changed, going out again. He made it to the lift this time, another neighbour throwing their baby to him when they had forgotten to check if the stove was off. Said baby proceeded to cry loudly and its mother came, angry as hell for god knows why. Finally making it out of the building, he steps into dog poo and he knew right there and then that going out is really a disaster.   
  
The worst thing that happened that day? The reappearance of his ex boyfriend, who was supposed to be in Japan. Well, Hyunggu was lucky since he wasn’t spotted but he was the one who did the spotting and he found him with someone else. It absolutely devastated him. He didn’t know that he still had feelings for the Japanese male until he had saw him with another man, laughing and smiling as if their break up just a month ago hadn’t happened. What did he do, you ask? He hid himself as best as he could and ran home. He didn’t want to let Yuto see him in such a sorry state. It was embarrassing as hell. He bolted, making sure that he couldn’t be seen and made it home safely, making sure to dump his shoes that were soiled by dog poo.   
  
He groans as he pushes aside the memories of that day, pressing his back against the cold wall as he slowly slid down to the ground. Pulling his knees to his chest, he wraps his arms around them and buries his head. Stupid Hyunggu, you dumbass! He hadn’t expected to be able to see Yuto again and all these feelings bloomed in his chest, those stupid butterflies in his stomach fluttering when he had seen how good Yuto looked. Meanwhile, below his eyes are dark eye circles, dishevelled hair and a weak body that would probably fly along with the wind if it were strong enough. He was never good enough for Yuto, he decided as he told the man of his life that they should break up. Grumbling to himself about how he should just move on, he moved himself to the bathroom to take a long shower, hoping that the cold water would just cool his head off.   
  
Finished with his shower, he spots a sock that Yuto had lost a week before their break up and he collapses onto the ground, clutching the lone sock as he bawls loudly. Truth is, he doesn’t want to break up with Yuto. He knows he is not good enough for him, he would never be but he never wanted to let him go. He never wanted to lose Yuto. Sniffling, he picks himself up because he has to go out and he can’t possibly do it in his bathroom towel. He dresses himself up, remembering how Yuto would sneak a kiss when he’s trying to put his shirt on and they end up staying home. Man, staying home is really making him depressed. He never thought he would say this, but he should leave the house and go out for some fresh air.   
  
Bad mistake.   
  
He bumps into someone as soon as he is out of the apartment building, and he feels himself falling backwards but warm, strong arms catch him. Slowly cracking open the eyes that had been squeezed shut when he was falling, he finds the last face he wants to see and he can feel tears welling up in his eyes. Hyunggu is quick to jump away, straightening his clothes as he rubs the tears away.   
  
“Yuto,” he greets with a stiff smile and the taller male rubs at the back of his nape, a sheepish expression on his face. He looked good, just as he had, earlier this week and for pretty much the entire time that Hyunggu has known him. Still with a lean physique, the shirt he wore stretched over his body just nicely enough for Hyunggu to admire it. He snaps out of it when he hears Yuto clear his throat and he blinks quickly, blushing at the realization that he has been found out. There’s a gentle smile on Yuto’s lips and Hyunggu is reminded, yet again, of the days when they were still together. But they are not together. No. Yuto is with someone else now, and as much as it hurt Hyunggu, it’s a fact that he must accept.   
  
“Hey, Hyunggu, how have you been?” Hyunggu takes it back. He cannot accept it. The way his name rolls off Yuto’s tongue makes him want to cry and it takes everything in him to not do that right there and then.

 

“I’ve been great,” he breathes out, forcing a smile even though he doesn’t feel like it. Even if they broke up, Yuto is the type to worry about him and that’s the last thing he want. He doesn’t want to bother Yuto even when they aren’t together. But maybe his act is not convincing at all because he can see Yuto pinch his brows together, a look of concern on his face.   
  
“Ah, that’s right! I have something to do! Gotta go, bye,” he says before Yuto can and runs off. He runs the most he has ever did in his entire twenty-three years of living. Somehow, he ends up at where he first meets Yuto and it feels like the universe is just playing one big, fucking joke on him. He trudges to the playground, plopping his butt down on the swing that rattles a little, groaning at the addition of his weight. It’s so unfair that Yuto can just appear, looking all good while Hyunggu looked like literal trash. Those times were better, when Hyunggu could be in his boxers and Yuto made him feel like he looked the best in the whole wide world, with the exception of Yuto, of course. Yuto looks the best no matter what.

 

Back when they were together, the days were never ending and Hyunggu always felt so warm, the warmth in his chest never disappearing. But as time passed, he felt something else. Doubt, that was implanted in him when he saw Yuto hang out with people much better looking than himself, and Hyunggu wondered just why would Yuto stay with him when he has so much more choices out there. There were always whispers when Yuto introduced Hyunggu to his friends and Yuto has so many friends. The time his doubts were cemented were when he had went to the toilet and he overheard Yuto’s friends talking about them.   
  
“That boy who was with Yuto, Hyunggu, was it? He didn’t seem like the type Yuto liked.”   
  
“Bah, Yuto got together with him for the novelty. As soon as that wears off, poor writer boy can kiss Yuto goodbye forever.”   
  
Hyunggu lost his shit there and then. He slammed the door wide open and shot glares at the two men, the tears welling up in his eyes threatening to spill over. The two men froze and stared at Hyunggu, wide eyed. The trio stayed like that until Yuto came to look Hyunggu, worried since he had taken such a long time.   
  
“What’s wrong,” he asked after glancing at all three of them, instinctively pulling Hyunggu closer to him as he eyes the other men in the bathroom. They mumble something and scramble out, leaving the couple alone. Yuto lets the door close shut and he locks the door before cupping Hyunggu’s cheeks, gently tilting his head up so they lock eyes.   
  
“What’s wrong, babe? What did they do to you?” there was anger in Yuto’s voice and Hyunggu hate to think that these feelings for him were fake so he forces a smile and leans in to give Yuto a peck.   
  
“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. But can we go back? I’m a little tired,” he puckers his lips up into a pout and Yuto agrees almost immediately, barely saying his goodbyes before he is ushering Hyunggu out the door. Hyunggu lets himself ignore whatever was said by those two earlier and leans against Yuto, curling slightly into his warmth. The taller male is visibly surprised, and he blinks before wrapping his arms around Hyunggu tighter. He supposes that his boyfriend suspects that something that had happened in the bathroom but Hyunggu doesn’t want to think about it, only desiring Yuto’s warmth. That night, they make love over and over again, Hyunggu fuelled with desire to keep his doubts at bay. If Yuto had any thoughts, he did not voice them out at all, choosing to please his boyfriend instead. It was a whole month later that they broke up, the over creative mind of Hyunggu running at full speed for two weeks in a row. It drove him crazy and them apart.   
  
After two weeks of his over thinking, Hyunggu ended up pushing Yuto away. He shut him out, ignored his texts and cried to himself in his quiet, cold apartment. The apartment only served to remind him how much he missed Yuto’s warmth, Yuto’s laughter, Yuto’s smile, Yuto’s everything. After two weeks, he caved in and it was impressive even for Hyunggu, since he could barely stand a day apart from Yuto when they were on good terms. But Yuto was at the door every single day, knocking and asking for forgiveness, when he wasn’t even the one who made a mistake. The only mistake he ever made was agreeing to go out with Hyunggu. The both of them broke down, bawling their eyes out when Hyunggu finally opened the door.   
  
Yuto had looked as bad as Hyunggu did: worry etched into their features, dried tear stains, red eyes from all the crying, basically looking as though they had not been functioning for the past two weeks. They hugged each other tightly, with Yuto whispering how he will never let Hyunggu go, his voice cracking just the slightest bit. It broke Hyunggu’s heart, absolutely shattered it but it also facilitated in him making his decision. He had pulled away from Yuto, wanting to spend the next two weeks doing whatever he can to make Yuto happy and it starts from him apologizing. He doesn’t explain why he had avoided him, barely touching on it, really. They spend the rest of the day cuddling, watching Studio Ghibli. Hyunggu never leaves Yuto’s side for the next two weeks, doing whatever he needs to do with him and basically just sticking to him no matter what. And like an idiot, he pours love into his interactions with Yuto, not knowing that this would break Yuto’s heart even more when they break up.

 

And it does. 

 

The Japanese man is absolutely devastated when Hyunggu tells him that he wishes to break up and he can’t get it. They were getting along so well for the past two weeks and he had thought that whatever had happened had past but Hyunggu knows that it will never pass. The feelings of doubt, insecurity and anxiety. It will never fade so long as Hyunggu’s self-esteem remain low.

 

Hyunggu essentially cut him off, refusing his calls, refusing to even look at the text messages he sent and he even moved out of his apartment to live with Hui, his older cousin, for a week so Yuto will get the hint. And he does. One week later and the calls stop, the messages still trickle in but those also stop after another week. Yuto got the hint. But Hyunggu wanted Yuto to chase after him more, he wanted Yuto to want him more, want him so much that he will not cease in his chasing. But he also knows that is selfish. He knows that isn’t fair to Yuto at all. So he avoids anything that reminds him of the love of his life.   
  
That coffee shop where they first met. That bookstore where Yuto asked Hyunggu out. That street where they first held hands. That playground Yuto and Hyunggu shared their first kiss.   
  
Everywhere, everything reminded Hyunggu of Yuto. It hurts, but it was his own decision and he must suffer the consequences of it. It must hurt for Yuto as well, but he will get over it soon. He’s so strong, strong enough to get through this. But Hyunggu isn’t. He lets himself be cradled by Hui, lets his broken pieces just fall over the place, knowing that nothing would fix it together anymore. Not with the thing holding him together gone.    
  
It’s been about a day or so since he had last met Yuto, the image of the man still fresh in his mind. It felt like a old wound that was cut open again, salt thrown onto the gaping flesh harshly. It was driving him crazy. Who is that man with Yuto? Did Yuto really get together with someone else in that short two weeks after he gave up on chasing after Hyunggu? Did Yuto really get together with Hyunggu for the novelty of it, Hyunggu was just some sort of a new treat Yuto hadn’t tasted before? That last thought stung and he decided on the last discussion he had with Yuto.   
  
They had planned to go travelling once Yuto’s job is stable. Perhaps they could go to Europe. Hyunggu had always wanted to go to Amsterdam, Yuto wanted to go to France. It was perfect. They had seriously planned for the trip, saved up for it and chose places the both of them would be interested in, also one place that one of them are extremely interested in so that they could show the other what was so special about this place that they wanted to go to.

 

Hui had questioned Hyunggu’s decision -  _ are you sure it’s okay, I mean, you’ll be all alone  _ \- but Hyunggu has made up his mind and he sat himself down at his laptop, writing a final blog post as well as announce his indefinite hiatus from his writing.   
  
_ To the love of my life (you know who you are): _

 

_ From the moment you entered my life, it was like I was exposed to a bright light. Many things, things I hadn’t known before, were shown to me generously. I appreciate you and I loved you so deeply. I still love you so, but I’m too weak to admit face to face that I still do. I can only hope that you’re doing fine out there, on your own or not. Although it hurts me, I hope you find someone who loves you as much as you love them, as much as you had loved me and as much as I had loved you, like I still do. _

 

_ Life without you is so weird. I wake up in the morning and my hand seeks out for my phone without thinking, hoping to see your name on the screen before I forget that I’m supposed to force myself to stay away from you. I was really happy that you didn’t give up and continued to chase after me for two weeks but you have got to move on. You have a life, such a wonderful future ahead of you. You deserve more than me, my love. You know that you do. _

 

_ I saw you the other day and you still look so good. While I was glad that you looked like our breakup hadn’t affected you, I was also sad that you didn’t look as bad as I do. I sound like a bad person, don’t I? I admit. I’m a very bad person, which is why I don’t deserve you. _ __  
_  
_ __ I really miss you. I miss your warmth, your hugs, your kisses, your quiet whispers, the smiles you always try to hide but you don’t manage to and those soft chuckles you have when you hear or see something funny. I miss you and I will always love you.

 

_ From: _

_ The person you should forget _

 

He shuts down the laptop before tears could start to fall and takes a deep breath, blinking the tears away. Glancing at the clock, he had about three more hours before he has to be at the airport and he goes through his belongings once more. Yup, everything is there. He will go down once Hui calls him. Somehow, he falls asleep to the playlist Yuto made for him, the playlist playing on its own and Hyunggu dreams about the time they were together. He wakes up to his phone ringing, his eyelashes wet with tears. Quickly wiping them away on his sleeves, he answers his phone, with Hui informing him that he’s already downstairs. He fetches his luggage and quickly descends the stairs, finding his cousin leaning against his car with his arms across his chest.

 

“You sure about this?” Hui questions as he takes the luggage from the younger man and only gets a nod in return, a sigh escaping his lips along with a shake of his head. 

 

“If you say so,” he mumbles and gets into the car, driving towards the airport far too fast for Hyunggu’s liking. But he doesn’t complain, his mind still replaying the dream he had. Tears were starting to well up in his eyes and he has to will them away, not wanting to worry Hui and risk having him cancel the trip. Hui lingers around until the announcement for Hyunggu’s flight is announced and he gives the younger male a tight hug, as if he didn’t want to let him go. Finally allowing a smile to appear, he returns the gesture and pats his cousin on the back gently.   
  
“I’ll make sure to call you everyday, okay?” Hui grunts in reply and only releases Hyunggu five minutes later, when the first announcement for boarding is heard. Placing his hands on his shoulders, Hui squeezes them gently with a soft smile.

 

“Take care of yourself, you hear me?” Hyunggu nods fervently and even allows Hui to kiss him on the cheek before he goes over to the gate, waving sadly to his cousin. He shakes his head. He shouldn’t be like that. He’s going to have lots of fun, and his attitude is very wrong right now. Once he’s in, he flashes a smile at Hui and waves at him, getting his mood back up as best as he can. He watches until Hui has left before lowering his hand, allowing the smile to fade. He tightens his grip on his luggage and takes a deep breath, nodding to himself. He is going to have fun and forget about everything else.   
  
Or so he thought until he ended up having his goddamned flight delayed for five hours or so for “reasons that shall not be revealed”. What shitty airline is this? What the hell do they mean by reasons that shall not be revealed? That’s literally the most flimsy excuse he has ever heard in his twenty-three years of living.

 

The reason for the delay shows itself in an hour or so, panting and very out of breath, but still looking very good at he removes his suit jacket.   
  
“Yuto?” Hyunggu calls out, not able to believe his eyes as he rubs them over and over again. Said male smiles brightly, taking large strides until he reaches Hyunggu. And he still cannot believe his eyes, his hands reaching out unconsciously to touch his face, his fingers prodding at the tanned skin and pulling at it.

  
“Yuto?” Hyunggu repeats himself and the taller man chuckles, his hands coming up to capture Hyunggu’s, pressing them against his own cheeks as he nods with a wide smile.   
  
“Yes, it’s me, the love of your life, person I should forget,” the writer’s cheeks burn in embarrassment when he realizes that Yuto had read his blog post from a few hours ago. He tries to snatch his hands back, his brows pinching together tightly as he struggles against Yuto’s strength. Damn him and his wonderfully big muscles. His lips pucker up into an indignant pout as he finally gives up, his shoulders slumping.   
  
“You read it. And so what? You’re here to talk to me about it? I don’t have much time, y’know. I have a flight to catch,” and the mischievous grin on his ex-boyfriend’s face tells him that he already knew that.   
  
“Don’t tell me you were the one who caused the delay. But how....?” Hyunggu frowns, wondering just how in the world was Yuto able to delay a flight. Yes, he worked as an executive in a multinational company, but that doesn’t mean he can delay an entire flight! The means as to how to delay the flight shows up in a heartbeat, striding towards the duo and he tips his captain’s hat. Hyunggu recognizes him as the man he had saw with Yuto the other day and suddenly, Hyunggu isn’t happy with Yuto’s appearance.   
  
“You owe me big time, Adachi,” the man murmurs with a sour look before flashing a wide smile at  Hyunggu, patting his shoulders before walking away. Yuto only chuckles and calls out a loud ‘thanks’ before sweeping Hyunggu off his feet, walking in the opposite direction of where Hyunggu is supposed to be.   
  
“Yuto?” Hyunggu calls out in confusion as he latches onto Yuto’s broad shoulders but the man offers no answer, only a simple smile as he walks out of the airport and places Hyunggu into his car carefully. Hyunggu is still confused as Yuto drives him back to his apartment, the building still as tall as he had remembered. Hyunggu remains confused when Yuto scoops him up in his arms, Hyunggu allowing him to do as he pleases, and he brings him up to his place, the apartment still as big as the last time he saw it.   
  
“I read the whole thing and I just want to tell you that you’re everything I want,” Yuto speaks in a calm tone, positioning himself next to Hyunggu on the couch and Hyunggu isn’t confused anymore. He furrows his brows and shakes his head because no, Yuto deserves more- but Yuto grabs onto his hands, refusing to let him move a single inch back. He is insistent and he makes sure Hyunggu knows.   
  
“You’re more than anything I could ever want. I love you and I will never stop loving you. You are you and honestly? I am the one who doesn’t deserve you. Please just let me love you. I miss you. I miss your warm hugs, the way you cling to me, the way you’re so pouty when you’re sleepy, your cute laughter, the way you blush every single time I kiss you. I miss you and I want you back with me. Wooseok is just a friend to me, and he has a boyfriend. We’re just friends and god forbid that I move on at all. I have never stopped thinking about you ever since you asked for a break up. I stopped chasing after you because I was worried that you might hate me for being annoying and I-” Hyunggu cuts off his rambling with a kiss because he can tell that Yuto is getting nervous, his rambling getting even worse and he presses his lips against Yuto’s, the taller man relaxing in a second as he wraps his arms around Hyunggu. They break the kiss but remain close together and Yuto presses his forehead against Hyunggu’s.   
  
“Please let me be with you. I cannot stand another day without you and what kind of a man would I be if I don’t chase after you with that letter of yours?” there is a hint of teasing in his tone and Hyunggu’s cheeks burn again, his hand closing into a fist as he hits at Yuto’s broad chest half heartedly.   
  
“I’m sorry for doing that to you, hurting you and breaking things off so half-assedly. If you want to get back together with me, I would be more than willing and I promise not to be such an asshole this time. I really, really miss your hugs, Yuto. i really miss you so much,” Hyunggu confesses, his voice breaking slightly. Yuto understands and he nods, pulling back for a short moment before enveloping Hyunggu into a tight hug.   
  
“Me too. Now, can we go back to how we used to be?” Yuto asks and a smile comes to Hyunggu as he shakes his head, quickly explaining himself when he sees hurt in Yuto’s eyes.   
  
“We’ll be better than how we used to be. We’ll be so much better, and I’ll do even better for you.”


End file.
